All You Can Eat Sushi Massacre

Ok you want a fucked up crazy story well I have a good one for you. You are really going to love this one but I am warning all of you reading this now that if you have a weak stomach this is not for you. Leave Right Now…You Have Been Warned!

Ok so if you made it this far then you must have a strong stomach so listen up. So we are going back almost twenty years for this one so time to step into my Hot Tub Time Machine and get this party started. I liked that movie by the way.

So here we go. I was working for a very high end private chain of gyms as a Nutrition Director. My job was to create and run the entire devision for all nutritionists at all the clubs. I had to monitor them, hire staff, prepare the sales curriculum, and make sure sales were in a spot where the owners were happy. Just so you know during my time there the location that was my home base was the highest grossing sales of any gym in North America. No lie we did crazy numbers that would blow your mind. I remember one January we sold more than $550,000 in training and nutrition sales. Yea man that was in one month, not a year. Other gyms don’t do that in two years let alone in 30 days.

Now this place catered to very rich clients. Every car in  the lot was either a Lambo, Ferrari, Porsche, or Mercedes. So the staff had a ton of fun working there. It had a great vibe, the staff all had this amazing bond, and the best part is we were making some serious cake. Oh yea they would sell a $20,000 training and nutrition package to some overweight business man every day and several of them.

So one of my main buddies at the club was a guy named Marco. He was a great guy to be around, always funny. He was a real prankster too. He just loved doing crazy shit all the time. He was a competitive bodybuilder and weighed a good 250 in the off season. We bonded well and I got him ready for a few shows all the way to Nationals.

Anyways he was dating this cure little Korean girl. She would come by the club dropping off meals for him. She honestly was a real sweetheart, kind hearted to everyone. Well one day she came in all upset crying. So what put her in that state was the fact that she just got fired from her job. Now the kicker was that she was working for this high end sushi restaurant not too far from the club. She told us that her older boss kept making advances on her and when he made a move on her she gave him a slap.

From there he fired her even though he should have gotten charged with sexual harassment. Now Marco was about to go crack his head in with a baseball bat, but I calmed that shit down. Marco already had priors from years back and all he needed was to go and do something crazy that would land him back in the penitentiary. I told him to chill and that I would figure out a plan that would fuck this guy over royally and destroy his business as well. I told him that I had a surprise that would blow his mind but he had to stay cool and follow my every move and not ask me any questions until the plan was about to  set off. 

So after work I told him that we were going to the fuckers restaurant but we were not going to touch the guy at all. At first he was like fuck this plan bro, but I convinced him to stay chill and follow my lead. I promised him that I would make this piece of shit pay badly even worse than cracking him in the head. So he promised to shut up and chill and just follow my lead.

We get to the restaurant and were seated. I forgot to mention that I invited over one of my strongman competitors name Hippo. Yea he was a portly fellow that weighed in around 370. The funny thing is that he was only about 5 foot 6 so the sheer girth on this fellow was massive. He had a lot of muscle on his frame but his gut had to been over 65 inches too so plenty of fat to spare.  Marco knew Hippo as well so he was happy to see that we had another buddy for what was about to pop off.

So this all you can eat sushi restaurant was one of the most popular in the city at the time. It was a Friday night so the place was packed to the gills. We even had to wait half an hour just to get a seat. Anyways we get in our little booth and Hippo takes the menu and starts ordering for all of us. Of course he did with a gut that size he didn’t get it drinking Slim Fast and doing workouts with Richard Simmons that is for sure.

When the order was done the waitress looked a little upset because it was a shit ton of food. Just for the first round there had to have been over 50 pieces of sushi, another 50 sashimi, 20 hand rolls, plus other fried dishes that Hippo loved so much. Hell we were so hungry that we polished  that all off in less than twenty minutes. Now it was time to order again. The disgruntled waitress wasn’t too impressed that we now ordered even more items the second round then we did the first time. It was all you can eat so what could she do. She did remind us that any unfinished food would be billed to us. Hippo just gave her a smile, patted his enormous gut and told her that he wouldn’t dare leave a morsel of food to waste. With the size of him she didn’t have any doubts that he would even leave a crumb on that table.

So Marco starts getting a little edgy and is like so whats the plan man what are we going to do? Are we going to fuck this guy up or are we just going to eat? I told him to chill and reminded him that he promised to keep his cool until I decided to unleash the plan. Now Hippo wasn’t done even after the second round of food. I tapped out at that point and I ate over 100 pieces of sushi and sashimi that day. Marco must have eaten around 100 pieces too because he can pack it away like a champ. But neither of us could hold a candle to Hippo. This guy was a fucking machine. He had a lot of space in that gut of his and he loved sushi more than anything. It was his absolute favourite food in the world.

So Hippo finishes a third round of food while me and Marco just look on with astonishment of Hippo just man handling this food like he was a bear preparing to  hibernate for six months.

So I remove three small bottles of liquid and put them on the table. Marco is like what is that dark coloured shit? I told him this is the plan. He’s starts getting upset and says what the hell kind of plan is this. I told him that the liquid in these three bottles was Ipecac. I scored it from a doctor client of mine and was just waiting to use this either as a prank or at a party to light things up.

So Marco didn’t really understand what this was so I explained that after about ten minutes after we drink it all hell would break loose. I told him that we would projectile vomit uncontrollably for a quite a while. At first Marco is like what type of revenge is this going to be. I told him that right now this restaurant is the hottest place in town? Plus it is loaded with clients. He is like yea it is. So I told him that when the three of us start vomiting all over the fucking place it will destroy this guys business and hurt him more than cracking his skull would ever do. 

He looks at me and says, “You Crazy Fucker, You are a Genius!”. Hippo then knew why I invited him and offered him to pay for his dinner. Hippo was cool with the idea and Marco was now happy as a pig in shit. I opened the bottles, we toasted each other, and down the hatch they went.

After about five minutes Marco is like he isn’t feeling anything. I told him to relax cause when this shit storm hits it will be a disaster. I told Marco and Hippo that once you started feeling off act like you are walking to the restroom cause we didn’t just want to vomit on ourselves in the booth. We wanted this hurricane to land all over the fucking restaurant and on other patrons as well. This way it would cause a huge headache for the owner not only cleaning up the mess, but once other customers got puked on it would ruin this guys reputation badly.

So Hippo starts burping and burping. I am like get up  little buddy its time to start this party right. He gets up and makes his way over to the sushi chef where he is preparing everything in the front. In one big heaving hurl Hippo lets out the most vile sound. It actually sounded like a mating call of some wild animal. A second later he blows chunks of sushi all over the sushi chef and bar area. Holy shit I couldn’t believe it.

The chef was so angry he started cursing and freaking out. But before he could keep going Hippo lets out another load, then another, then another. The customers start freaking out cause the entire sushi bar area where they are preparing the food is now loaded with Hippos vomit. He ruined every order that was up on the bar and with the sushi chef looking like he just finished a bukakke scene, things were going to get ugly.

Well right about then Marco gets up and walks next to the booth next to us and pukes his guts out all over the table. He covered their food in a mess that had to be seen to be  believed. I can still remember this chunk of undigested seaweed stuck in the girls hair that was in that booth. She was screaming at the top of her lungs and then out of nowhere she starts puking. Then I see a table across from us that was all girls and one of them starts yakking.

Oh boy this party is heating up fast folks. Hippo I could see was not doing to good at all. His stomach was cramping hard and I could see that from his massive gut would start constricting and rolling like he had an alien in his tummy. Hippo lets out another ravaging load of vomit this time in our aisle. Marco is going off again too puking like a fiend, its a fucking disaster everywhere.

Women are screaming, some men are getting upset but what are they going to do with the three of us there? Now there is vomit like everywhere. With Hippo taking out the sushi bar and chef and Marco taking out one area it was a shit show. Hippo kept shouting out loudly that this sushi must be bad. He’s been poisoned by this horrible food. Now this made everyone in the restaurant think that it was the food that got them sick. Little did they know they had a little help to set this shirt storm in motion.

Now the owner was in the back office and he runs out to see what all the commotion is about. He ran in a rage down our aisle only to slip in a pile of Hippo’s vomit and fell right on his ass. His pants and the back of his shirt was covered in puke. Marco and Hippo just kept yelling  at him saying that his shitty food make them sick. The owner didn’t know what to say because its not everyday you have several customers start puking all over the place all at the same time.

Someone in the restaurant had called the cops, not really sure what they were thinking they would do. So two women officers show up and when they walked in they both covered their mouths and gagged from the smell and wonderful view of sushi vomit everywhere. They took us outside and questioned us and we just played stupid. We told them that the food tasted slightly off but we didn’t think anything of it. That was until we started projectile vomiting all over the place.

They let us go because what could they really do if our story was legit? Nothing at all, and the onus would be on the owner for feeding us contaminated food. It’s not our fault if we ate bad food and then got sick. But getting sick was an understatement by a long shot. Marco did a good job hitting up the customers with his puke storm, but Hippo was the real star in this story. He should have won a Emmy for his role, he was that good. He destroyed that little restaurant. 

When we left Marco patted me on the back and thanked me for such a crazy plan of revenge. He had one question that had him thinking. Why didn’t the Anabolic Coach puke even once? Well folks I didn’t put Epikak in my bottle, I had some dark coloured BCAA ‘s in there. I was in on the plan but I didn’t want to ruin a perfectly good meal.

After that Marco, Hippo, and I got even closer. I guess doing crazy shit like this helps create a bond that regular people won’t understand. The good news is that this little episode totally ruined this guys business. Word got out about what happened and it was a disaster. 

Hell it evening made the local news channel because one of the women that was there worked at the station. It  couldn’t have been worse for the owner believe me. Things went down hill for him after that and around a 9-10 months later he actually closed his business. I couldn’t think of a better ending than that. Marco was happy and his girl loved what we did to him. So here you have it man, another crazy story from the Anabolic Coach. My only regret is that we didn’t have one of those video camera on our phone to record the whole thing. It would have gone viral on Youtube that is 100% for sure!